


Learn The Words

by Elsinore_and_Inverness



Category: Discworld
Genre: Aerial silks, Gen, Vetinari go 24 hours without advancing someone’s career challenge, mime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24042994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsinore_and_Inverness/pseuds/Elsinore_and_Inverness
Summary: Does what it says on the tin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	Learn The Words

She was performing in the middle of one of the streets leading off Sator Square. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail under a beret and her face was covered in greasepaint.

She did Breaking-Apart-The-Doors-With-A-Battering-Ram, which took some skill because you had to establish the shape and texture of the wall without touching it. She did Scaling-The-City-Walls-During-A-Siege, which was difficult because you had to get the height of the walls right without leaving the ground. She did Getting-Food-Poisoning-From-A-Meat-Pie and Breaking-Out-Of-The-Tanty, which took less talent, but were narratively engaging.

People were looking at her with fear and trying to avoid her. This was not surprising, she was a mime, after all.

Someone small and bespectacled tossed her a high-value coin from nearly ten metres away. A middle-aged watchman in beat-up armor smiled at her with terrifying bemusement and did the same.

She continued her routine, beginning what appeared to be a one-person game of football using the old rules when a dark figure loomed into her vision.

“Good morning.”

She froze, her foot a fraction of an inch away from connecting with the invisible ball.

“We do not allow the art of mime to be practiced within city limits.”

The mime opened and closed her mouth and finally put her foot back on the ground. She felt her mouth go dry.

“We’re going to the Palace,” the Patrician said.

The mime wiped at her face with the back of her hand, smearing her makeup. “According to the Code of Mimes, article 68, subsection 24b—“

“What form of government does this this city have, do you suppose?” the Patrician asked, the warmth of his “good morning” quickly draining away.

“Tyranny,” she said cautiously.

“Do you know what that means...” The woman realized he was pausing for her to say her name.

“Miss Marcella.”

“Do you know what that means, Miss Marcella?”

“I’m going to the dungeon?”

“A Tyrant is a ruler in a state without a constitution that does not inherit power.”

Marcella stared at him, not sure how to take this.

“Of course you’re going to the dungeon.”

The Patrician looked frail and walked with a cane. She could almost certainly get away if she ran, but Marcella was not stupid so she followed him to the palace and down the broken stone steps into the dungeon.

He led her to a large cell with a high ceiling. In the middle of the cell, tied to a free-rotating loop of iron fixed to the ceiling was a large piece of undyed silk that reached to the floor in two pieces like a curtain. Attached to the far wall was a sign mounted upside down that said ‘LEARN THE WORDS.’

“That’s silk,” Marcella said.

The Patrician gave her the blank look he reserved for people that he really had hoped were cleverer. “You’re going to stay down here until you can hang upside down and read the sign. I can’t really demonstrate anymore but I can explain what to do.”

“But why?” Marcella asked, utterly bewildered.

“So I can write references for the Actor’s Guild. Or the Fool’s, if you’ve got your heart set on it. Street performers can’t form a Bargaining Unit and there’s not enough mimes or demand for mimes for them to go on the professional stage in this city.” He smiled. “Or maybe I’m just an arbitrary tyrant with terrible and specific coulrophobia.”

Marcella, who had been wondering with horror if the Patrician had some kind of _thing_ for watching people hang upside was taken aback.

The next day she was turned out on the street with money to buy an audition dress and references on letterheaded paper.


End file.
